yup, it was one of those days … most of the day went well, despite dealing with a stupid sinus infection … then evening came and i’m tired and weary … so my thoughts just drift and maybe cause i haven’t been feeling well, or physically drained with some level of stress but those stupid intrusive thoughts meandered into my brain … and then ‘oh, no … it’s back, ..what if i feel panicky …oh no, i feel panicky … now wait, i need to use the tools i learned … ok, count ..oh, no, what if i weren’t scared anymore of the thoughts, would that mean i went crazy … ok, breathe, count .. but what if … ” and it goes on (large sigh). Always, when I’m tired or weary of sorts whether physical or emotional … I know this probably all sounds crazy but just a heads up, Ive dealt and at times deal with postpartum mood disorder on the OCD side of the spectrum with anxiety, panic and big mean scary obessions/thoughts. Yes, I did the right thing and contacted my Dr., got on the meds and got counsel but still there are those days, even if it’s not every single day 24/7 … there are those days that feel like I’m that little piggy in the mud …
I believe you Lord, that although I still deal with this that you haven’t left me and that even if a miracle doesn’t happen this side of heaven that somehow this will work out for your Glory … somehow… somehow …
A good friend of mine introduced me to Geocaching … and I think I’m head over heals!! How??? Why??? … maybe cause there’s just something about the thrill of the search, the obstacles to overcome, the pursuit, the drive that pushes you to go on until … well, you find it! Plus, the benefits of alot of them being in some pretty cool nature parks …
Today, I went Geocaching in Buffalo, at a quiet secluded park .. near a quiet river … no one was there cause it was bitter cold and rainy, which made it even more fun … traipsing through the woods with my phone and the GPS app leading the way. My beanie was soaked but still kept my head warm, my snow jacket was wet but inside I was toasty … walking along the river bank looking for this little plastic container with a log of those who’ve walked this path before … Ah, found it, found 2 … but the best part was on the way back … realizing, …I did it, I carried on … I had almost slipped into the river and got snagged on some thorny bush and ivy, but I pressed on and found these simple little caches … felt good =)
Acts 17:27 MSG Bible
so we could seek after God, and not just grope around in the dark but actually find him. He doesn’t play hide-and-seek with us. He’s not remote; he’s near.
